Its official.....I'm an idiot

A friend came to me and asked me to prepare a cake for her husband's birthday. I said sure, though I am far from experienced with baking cakes, and said that I only needed the supplies. She brought me oil, water, six eggs, and two boxes of cake mix. She also brought me two deep round cake pans 8 inches in diameter. I began making the cake and budgeted just enough time to make it, bake it, let it cool and frost it. I finish mixing (by hand, mind you) the entire two boxes of cake mix and then poured the batter into the two cake pans. I figured I was on my way to yet another brilliant masterpiece.

Now, those of you experienced in such matters know that a cake mix makes two pans. Two cake mixes would make four. What happens when you put four pans of cake into two? An explosion!!! No, seriously. It took about twenty minutes for me to notice the smell. I run to the oven and sure enough, I have a boiling mess covering the bottom of the oven. As any good cook does, I panicked. I grabbed tin foil and covered the bottom to catch anything more falling out. But judging the amount that poured out, I figured it had done all the damage it was going to do. I hoped that it might only take the non-burning part (the stuff remaining in the pan) ten more minutes to cook and unwisely shut the oven to let it continue. I quickly found out two things: my flat does not have a smoke detector and I am truly grateful for this fact.
After five minutes smoke began billowing out of the kitchen and my flat was quickly filled to the point where I had a hard time breathing and seeing.

I ran into the kitchen, pulled open the oven (which was spewing smoke out of every crack) and promptly gagged. The cakes were not done....in fact, they had poured even more of themselves onto the bottom of the oven. I am not sure why they hated me so much.

I pulled the two pans out and poured a good half cup of batter out. I also scraped off the baked part on top. I ran to the next door neighbor and asked for his oven. My plan, though created through desperation, was to try and complete the baking of the remaining batter. Half of the pan was already cooked through and the rest was a goopy watery mess. But I had to try. I then went back to the kitchen to try every method I knew to disperse the smoke.

While I am opening windows, turning up AC units and creating ventilation....the friend comes walking in. Her comment? "I could smell the smoke all the way downstairs." Why is this a big deal? Cause I am on the 5th floor. I had to show her the damage and try to explain that maybe there was still a chance things could work out ok? Unfortunately, because of my perfectly budgeted time, I didnt have enough time to make a new cake....nor the supplies or oven.

I cleaned up all that I could from the tin foil and put it in the trash, I then moved to try and clean counters, floor and materials from both the goopy mess and the smoke. I eventually gave up and trusted that my poor steward, who came the next day, would be able to handle it.

For the next forty minutes I was OCD about checking the cakes to see if they were done. The original instructions say to bake for 35 minutes. They had been in the oven for a total of two hours by the time I could pull a toothpick back out clean. I had no idea how they would taste but I had to try.

I pulled them out of the oven, took them back to my smoke infested kitchen and flipped them out to let them cool. One completely fell apart. I am talking serious nervous breakdown. But as I tested parts that fell off, they tasted marvelous. I waited for them to cool, placed them on a plate and covered them with frosting.

The end result, if I may, was spectacular. I, while a total idiot, am brilliant in my incompetence.



Here is the tin foil overwhelming the garbage can. It had weight too because it contained an entire cake worth of batter in it.



This is the after picture of the dishes. I say after cause I had already cleaned about half of them.



This disaster is my oven bottom AFTER I had cleaned some and AFTER I had already pulled out the covered tin foil. This poor oven may not be able to recover. But that crusted on cake looks mighty good. Gives new definition to 'caked on.'

But here it is! The finished product. I rock. I even did the words using a ziplock bag, and some self-colored frosting.

Advanced Student Art Gallery

Last night was the second and final Advanced Art Gallery Show for the year!! I am so proud of my kids and we had a wonderful representation of students, high school teachers and parents. The show had a total of 21 participating students, some of which I have included here. I have to give a huge thanks to Shelly (not pictured here) who took all the pictures for me.









The concept of the show was to give each student a gallery space for them to create an environment. It normally had a theme and had to include all of the artworks completed in this last term. As many of you know, the last term was also the independent study or clay projects. So for the past five days my students have been scrambling to construct, create, design and set up a gallery show worth half of their grade. It finally all came together for an hour opening with all of their parents in attendance.
















This is Arshiya. She is one of my Indians and is hysterical when you get her talking. She is also the one who also has me convinced that an arranged marriage is the way to go. Seems much easier and healthier than a love match. Her basic concept was a light, natural idea based on pastel colors, rose petals and candles. I think its especially nice with the painting she had done of her mother in the center.
















Or is an ELL student who often switches between Hebrew and English too fast for me to comprehend. Luckily I have never had an Israeli in class by themselves and so can always get an impromptu translation. Sometimes, I wish I hadnt.
Or is a fantastic painter and chose to do independent studies instead of clay. The results were interesting and ended up having a lot to do with...herself....and clothes. These trends continue in other aspects of her life as well.

















Now Rich (a Texan) is not known for his ability in art. But what he lacks in skill he more than makes up with in sarcasm. He isnt the first student to tell me that I should rule the world as an evil dictator....but he is the one who means it as a compliment.
His show was placed into two 'art boxes' and had a general discombobulated feel. This technique is actually hard to do in order to make the gallery work, instead of just looking scrapped together. I think he did fairly well.
















Allyn is quite possibly one of the most hyper and flaky students I have ever had. I used to think there was just something she ate in the morning that affected her poorly. Then I got her younger brother in another class. Apparently its a family trait. Allyn felt awful insecure about her art show so I offered to jump in the picture with her to make her feel less like a goober. Nothing like comparing yourself to your dorky teacher to make you feel better.
















Sapir would shoot me if she knew I had this picture. She flatly refused (and with harsh sounding Hebrew words) to pose for a picture until I physically turned her to the camera. She then gave the biggest smile I have ever seen on her pessimistic little face. She is a great artist but never gives a nice word to anything....ever. Having said that, she is really fun and easy to mess with. Behind her is her prize ceramic dragon "Rockie." She still doesnt understand why I whisper, "and Bullwinkle" every time she mentions his name. I feel old.

















Now you wouldnt know it, but Mubarak doesnt truly hate his life. Not really. He is oober quiet in class, especially for a Nigerian, but has a wicked sense of humor when he does speak up. He is the one who confessed to marrying a goat. I never laughed so hard in my life. I will be sure to tell the details of that story when I get home but suffice it to say that their relationship is all the stronger for their differences.
















Annie in the middle, is a great student. She is freakishly tall and thin, a fact which comes in handy for reaching tall, awkward spaces and has a pretty laid back sense of humor. I crammed myself into one side and Motune took up the other. She doenst seem as tall in the photo due to the fact that she is slouching and the girl taking the picture is short. We arent sure why, Motune is there (since she isnt in art) other than she is a hoot and a half and wanted to be in the picture.
















Kenny is obnoxious, to begin with. He is also one of most talented graphic artists I have seen his age. He does beautiful designs and has created his own symbol language. This picture was orchestrated when I made fun of Kenny for having a huge empty space in his gallery. He called it his 'artist' space and said he would sit in this position for the entire show. I only made him do it for ten minutes. But seriously? He didnt move a muscle. Pretty impressive control.





Finally, when it was all done, I posed for a quick picture. These hooligans all jumped in and it became a late night photo op with Ms G.

Carolina, Arshiya, Sapir, Me, Naomi and Josh. Shane and Rich in the back.

What is Lagos like?

So Mom always asks me to document how my life in Lagos really is. Well, tonight was a perfect opportunity. While this may not be specific to Lagos, it is definitely among my most hectic and awful moments. Africa is also one of the only places I have ever dealt with todays topic: Cockroaches. Yes, I was just confronted with a giant mutant cockroach with an attitude problem. No, no, I dont exaggerate. This thing was at least four inches long, had overactive feelers and stuck to any surface. But I am getting ahead of myself. To better magnify the story, I will now use third person narrative.


This evening, around 10:30pm, our unsuspecting and beautiful heroine walked innocently into her very own kitchen for some water. She flips on the lights and waits for the fluorescent bulbs to fully turn on before she enters the room. Why does she do this?, one might ask. The answer is simple. She waits for the light to turn on so that any cockroaches foolish enough to inhabit her kitchen can flee before she unwittingly steps on them. Yes, our young dashing Julia is afraid to step on a cockroach in her delicately arched sock-covered feet. So she waits for full light to flush out any obstacles she may encounter BEFORE she enters the room.
So on this fateful Saturday night, she sees that the floor is clear and walks into the room. From the corner of her eye she sees a movement. But surely she must be mistaken. Something that big moving must be a lizard or rat. She turns her head to see a four inch cockroach with GIANT feelers loitering on the counter next to the microwave. How can she see it so clearly? Because the light under the cupboard is literally shining a spotlight on it.
Now this confused our incredible heroine. She had always been told that cockroaches were afraid of humans and hid from the light. But then she remembered what Jeff had told her. "Cockroaches out in the open are near death." Otherwise they avoid humans. Since Jeff always made our heroine deal with the bugs on her own, she had trusted that he would not lie to her about the issue. So being the intelligent and ever-prepared YSA that she is, Julia grabbed an empty coolwhip container and got ready to gently place it over the 'dying' cockroach. As she got a few feet away, the cockroach turns to her and steps a few inches closer. It then swirls its massive feelers as if trying to communicate its displeasure at being interrupted. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this cockroach was giving attitude. Therefore, because of its apparent personality and evil nature, we will henceforth call this cockroach Ted.
She decided to move forward and try to trap Ted under the plastic can, now aggravated by his aggressive manner AND confident that his slow motions meant that he was experiencing his imminent death.
Well.....dear audience, the next part of the drama unfolds to both show our brave young heroine for the mastermind (and total girly-girl) that she is. When she went to place the bucket over Ted, he suddenly burst into speed and crammed himself under the microwave. Startled, Julia stood for a moment in absolute beffudlement. She then starts to move the microwave to try to uncover enough of Ted to try and trap him. However, devious Ted continued to scrabble under the microwave as it was moved. Ted looked to be winning the war when suddenly a change in counter level left him outside his hiding hole. Julia swooped in and placed the container on him, effectively immobilizing his attack.
This COULD have been the end of the story but dear readers, it only gets more intense from here. Julia retrieves a magazine for which to help scoop Ted and his bucket up and create a sealed lid...situation....for...Ok. You have all done the bug scoop thing. You know the drill.
Julia used the magazine to scoop the bug up. But what to do next? Should she fling Ted outside...and risk the chance he may return? Does she try to spray him as he flees throughout the flat? Does she flush him down the toilet? As Julia weighed her options, she called a few friends to ask the ever important question: "If you flush a bug down the toilet, can it crawl back up later?" Then of course, the worry is that the bug can climb up the sides of the toilet bowl before the flushing action can carry him down. Julia decides, with the advice of fellow Lagosians, to try the flush method.
Julia walks to the bathroom with one hand on the magazine and the other on the bottom of the plastic container. Ted is trapped between. But as Julia reaches the toilet, the flaw in her plan manifests itself. Now that she had her hands full....how does she get Ted to fall into the toilet? Does she pull apart her cage and shake until Ted falls out? Does she try for a technically advances scoop method with the bending of the magazine?
She finally decides to flip the cage so that magazine is on top and the plastic container can act like a cup for Ted. After a few swift taps on the magazine to make any creature fall into the container, its simply easy to turn the container over into the toilet and let Ted fall out. Julia's brilliant plan would have worked....if Ted hadnt have been a mutant cockroach.
As Julia turns the magazine over, she sees that mutant Ted has managed to cling to the magazine despite the vehement taps to get him to release. Ted then makes an offensive attack on Julia by scrambling as fast as he can towards her. Julia, of course, squeals like a little girl and flings the magazine, the container and Ted into the bathtub. Ted runs like mad around the tub trying to find a way to kill our poor heroine.
Julia steps back and tries to regain her composure, sure in the knowledge that Ted must not be able to climb the sides of the tub fast enough to escape. Silly, silly, naive Julia.
Ted makes a break for it and begins his steady climb up the side of the tub, still trying to attack Julia. Julia grabs the container and like a squirrel on crack, tries to trap Ted again. After a few agonizing moments, she succeeds. In stunned silence, she tries to decide what to do next. It occurs to her that spraying Ted while he is in the false security of the cage, might be most effective. She heads to the kitchen to retrieve the spray.
On the way back, now armed with the ammunition of all bug killers, Julia has an awful thought. A horrifying...sickening thought. What if Ted starts to fly to get away from the spray? Now, dear readers, I know you may have always lived with the secure thought that cockroaches, even non-mutant ones, dont fly. You are, I am afraid, mistaken. Julia paused and considered the possibility of trying to catch Ted as he executed an air assault. But it had to be done.
Julia creaked open the container a few inches and sprayed for all she was worth. Ted began to frantically run around, causing Julia to pause her spraying periodically to ensure no flight was possible outside the container. After a few....gallons of spray, Julia felt confident that Ted had been hit at least once and replaced the trap to wait out the inevitable. That is when the truly disturbing part of the story came into play.
Did you know that cockroaches squeak? Neither did Julia. Ted began to run the diameter of the container in what could be a world record. Over and over and over Ted runs the outside wall of the container letting his massive feelers scoot under the brim as he squeaks his displeasure. This was so disturbing to Julia that she grabbed her camera and video-recorded the scene and the noise. (filming will not be included here due to its graphic nature) It was during filming that Julia realized Ted might need more spray because of his mutant resistance. She sprayed a huge puddle on the tub floor and scooted the container over it, then placed a shampoo bottle on top of that to secure that mutant Ted would not move the container in his desperation. After a minute or so, the squeaking stopped. When last Julia looked, Ted was on his back with his legs slowly moving to signal defeat. Julia, was not so forgiving, however and waited until morning to insure his death was complete.
Then she flushed him.

THIS, Mom, is what a day in Lagos is like.